It's typical for me that as the actual cycle approaches and the possibility exists that I MIGHT actually get pregnant, hope creeps in.
That hope is at best a double edged sword.
Of course I want it to work, and I think that it's possible that we will finally get our BFP, but there is a dark side of hope that makes me feel like an idiot for having any at all. We have been trying to start our family for more than five years, and here we are still trying, so to have any hope that this is THE cycle makes me feel guilty and stupid.
I also know that whether or not I believe it will work, if it doesn't I'll be devastated. So, in that respect I guess it doesn't matter whether or not I allow myself to hope.
I feel sort-of like a crazy person for all of these feelings about my feelings, but I'm not really sure what to do with all of them.
Amy
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2 comments:
Amy ~ I don't want to be one of those people who preach because I myself couldn't stand that...but just wanted to say you're not alone. DH and I approached 4yrs 8months of TTC...and hope won out. You are feeling normal feelings. It's hard to sort them out, but they are normal. Sending you lots of love and ((HUGS))
Just wanted to say GOOD LUCK!!! The emotions are so normal, even though they feel absolutely ridiculous. You are in my thoughts for a GREAT cycle!
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