Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

I want to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving!

I am so very grateful for the blessings in my life.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

5 weeks

It seems crazy that I'm five weeks pregnant and just found out last week! The heartburn hasn't really gotten worse, but the fatigue sure has. I could fall asleep as I type this! I have a slightly sore throat today, but I think it's because I was really stuffy last night and may have slept with my mouth open!

I am really excited for Thanksgiving and I'm going to try and get to bed super early tonight and tomorrow so that I'll be rested up, even though I am relatively sure that none of my family will let me do much of anything anyway!

Dave and I are going shopping on Friday will all the crazies and I can't wait for that either! I'm getting my first NEW washer and dryer! My parents got me a used set when I went to college eons ago and while it still chugs along its not very efficient. The set I've had my eye on for awhile is going to be on sale Friday and with the baby(ies) I think its time.

Speaking of the baby(ies) here's what's going on this week: (from

Baby's microscopic heart begins to beat this week—although it won't be detectable with one of those cool Dopplers for a few weeks, so you'll have to wait a little longer to hear that satisfying "whoosh-whoosh" you're so anxious for. Here's what else is under construction: With the beating of the heart, blood will begin to circulate throughout the body. Your baby's first organ system will be up and running! The beginnings of the brain; the cardiovascular, nervous and reproductive systems; as well as all other major systems are under way. Your baby's new digs—the amniotic sac and the placenta are still forming at this point. All that high-speed development and your baby is only 2 millimeters long—about the size of a sesame seed.

Thanks for all the continued support!


Monday, November 24, 2008

3rd beta is in!

A huge sigh of relief!

3rd beta is 2383. We wanted to see numbers between 1250-1950 so these are great!

Ultrasound is scheduled for 12/9 at 2:30. I also got to schedule some ob appts! That's really freaky for me!!!!

Over the past few days the gravity of this has started to hit me. I am so so grateful that sometimes I cannot stop the tears. I thank God every day. I never imagined the humility that this blessing would bring. I spent a long time struggling with the 'why me' aspect of infertility, it took me a long time to understand that if there is a why, its not for me to understand.

I sorta feel that same way now, I use an online support group and there are so so many deserving women there. These women, and many of you that visit my blog, have supported and encouraged me thru some of the darkest days of my life and we've never even met. I feel like 'why me' in a totally different way. I'm not saying that I would give this up for anything, but it just makes me wonder WHY once again.

Along with all of the Thanksgiving prayers I offer up this week I will be sending up my requests for their (your) peace and for resolution of their struggles, whatever that may be.

Please join me.


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Not too much to report

Today went pretty much just as I predicted yesterday. My Mom and Cousins came to help and we're now all ready for Turkey Day.

I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. I woke up at 2am and couldn't get back to sleep until 6. I slept from 6-7:30 and was up again. I hope to get some good sleep tonight. I don't think anything was bothering me, but who knows.

I go for my final beta tomorrow morning and so long as its good they'll schedule my first u/s. I am excited but nervous, still waiting on that shoe to drop!


Saturday, November 22, 2008

Love Family Thanksgiving

Today was our 'Thanksgiving' with Dave's family and we took the opportunity to share our good news. It's so much fun!!!!! They were all very excited, they know how long we've prayed for this news.

Dave has 8 living brothers (of 9) and they are all married, so it makes for a full house, but that's exactly what I love about it. We had all the traditional stuff, plus one of my sister's in law made a delicious chocolate oreo cake! YUM!

It was really great to visit with everyone, but now I'm beat. I just haven't had my pre-ER energy level return.

Tomorrow is shaping up to be just as busy! My Mom and a couple of my cousins are coming over to help prep for Thanksgiving. My Mom is actually going to really scrub my bathrooms, which I am afraid to do yet. (All the bending and stretching.) Maybe I'm being too cautious, but I don't want any regrets. My cousins will help with the turkey, which I always pre-bake and freeze, and they will also help with pies and homemade noodles. I normally do it on my own, but can't with the lifting restriction and they are all more than happy to pitch in.

I love this time of the year. I enjoy my large family so much--we are lucky to all still be within about an hour of one another. I am looking so forward to Thursday.

Physically I'm feeling better today. Mild, infrequent heartburn, and some fatigue. I had some minor cramping this morning, but I think I might have been mildly constipated (sorry TMI) because it's all better now. I have not had any more brownish discharge.

I went to acupuncture today, and while I was able to relax and enjoy the first half, I was restless for the second. I think I might have been pre-occupied with party stuff.

Off to bed---enjoy the rest of your weekend!


Friday, November 21, 2008



That's all that I can think of today. I don't think I've even been so hungry in my life! Perfect timing for Thanksgiving! I am trying to eat stuff that's not too horrible for me and I'm also trying to increase my protein intake without having to resort to shakes. I had bariatric surgery about 5 years ago and now that I'm pregnant I have to really be careful that I get enough calcium and protein. It's hard though because I also want to keep my fats down. I'm sure I'll figure it out!

I'm pretty tired today, I slept good but woke up way too early. Still have mild heartburn.

I go for a third beta on Monday!


Thursday, November 20, 2008

2nd beta results are in!

The number today is 491!!!

We were looking for a 66-100% increase from Tuesday's 179, so something from 280-358. 491 is awesome!!

I had a tiny bit of thin brown spotting yesterday, from what I expect is implantation. I asked the nurse and she said no worries, it's very, very common; so for now I'm not going to worry about it. Jill and Julie (whose blogs I follow) both had it and had beautiful babies!

Dave is very excited to know how many little ones we've got! I KNOW he's hoping for twins and while I think that it would be great, I'll feel blessed with any number of healthy babies.

Physically I'm feeling mostly ok. I have some mild twinges in my abdomen from time to time, increasing heartburn, and am still very very weepy. I love every minute of it!


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Cautious Optimism

I am still over-joyed, but a bit more cautious today. I think I will feel better tomorrow after I make sure that this number is going in the right direction.

I feel about the same physically, although I have a little more heartburn today. Dave is, of course, very excited and suddenly very protective! We are trying hard to enjoy this and not stress-out, but it's proving easier said than done!!!



Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hard to find the words...

For me speechless is rare!

The results of my beta are in and its POSITIVE! My beta was 179 today. I'll have it re-checked on Thursday and again on Monday, and there are no guarantees, but it's a good strong start!

It's so hard for me to put all my gratitude into words.

I am feeling such a strange mix of emotions. Joy, of course, awe, shock, amazement, fear, relief. I know it's just the first hurdle and it's very early, but I've gotten back one emotion I've been seriously lacking in the past week, HOPE.

It feels so good think again about 'being pregnant' and actually 'having a baby.' In all of these last days of obsessing I have not allowed myself to venture into that territory.

Thanks to all of you out there who I don't even 'know,' and those I know and love, for your patience with my whining, your compassion for my pain, and your constant support through this whole process. I cannot wait to share the ups and downs of this new and exciting experience with you all.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I feel like it failed...

I have no basis for my feeling other than our poor embryo quality and the fact that it didn't work before. I just have this self-protective gut feeling it's a BFN. I have tried to remain calm, and positive but am failing at the task.
I cried my eyes out last night, and prayed and prayed for acceptance. I really just want to feel 'done,' so I can move on. I know that Dave will want to keep trying, but I also think that it's mostly because that's what he thinks I want no matter what I say. How can I expect him to know what I want if I don't? Well, clearly I WANT to be pg, but you know what I mean.
We have been at this for so long, its such a huge part of our lives, I guess I might be coming to the point where enough is enough.
I am still holding out a thread of hope that I'm wrong and therefore I won't have to deal with any of it.

Please if you pray, PRAY that I will have the courage and the strength to face this and find some kind of peace.


Friday, November 14, 2008

Another busy weekend

Will is amazing!

He has a cleft chin and these HUGE hands for a newborn.

I am so happy for them!

My weekend is my typical mad rush! Tonight after a quick stop home for a shot, I am meeting my sister to pick up my niece(13) and nephew(17) who are both coming to help me out this weekend. I still have a lifting restriction and am supposed to only do 'light' housework (whatever that is.)

We are having Dave's family for 'Thanksgiving' on Sat the 22nd, my family on Thanksgiving, and a small dinner party on Saturday the 29th, so I need to get my house in order. I also want to make and freeze some Christmas cookie dough. I have acupuncture at 11am tomorrow and want to stop by the hospital for at least a few minutes.

Dave has decided that NOW is the time to re-build a closet on the landing that needs to be done before painting and laying new floors. I am terrified of the mess he'll make.

I'm nuts, when my house is a mess it makes me a nervous wreck. We have COMPLETELY remodeled a 1901 farmhouse so one would think I would be accustomed to it, but I'm not.

I hope, with help from the kids that I'll make some good headway this weekend so there won't be so much to do next weekend.

I'm feeling pretty good--still some mild cramping and still very hungry all day. Today I had some mild tummy queasiness, but nothing remarkable.

More soon.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

He's here!

My new little nephew is here!!

William David arrived this afternoon via an unexpected c-section. Momma and baby are doing just fine. He is 8lbs 6oz, 20.5 inches long, and has a head full of hair!

I can't wait to meet him after work today.

I am feeling ok. Having a work issue that's bugging me, but overall feeling good. I still have some crampy feelings, but nothing painful.

More soon.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

More Encouraging News

While progesterone results are not an indication of pregnancy, higher progesterone results correlate with better pregnancy outcomes.

They want the level to be around 15. My level came back at 28.8. It's NOT a predictor of outcome, but it does show that we're definitely in the game.

Today, I'm tired and still ravenous.

My brother and SIL are going in to the hospital today to have their first baby! I'm really excited to meet my new little nephew!


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

No frosties

I just talked to the lab and he said that even though they did continue to grow that they had not reached full blastocyst stage by today so they won't be frozen.

I am glad that they continued to grow, but I am dissappointed that we don't have any back-ups to freeze.

I am feeling even better physically today. I have some mild cramping and pulling sensations in my abdomen, nothing painful.

I've also been ravenous ALL DAY. I cannot seem to get or stay full!

Please keep your prayers coming for a good strong progesterone result tomorrow!


Monday, November 10, 2008

A Bright Spot

I'm sure it's been pretty evident that I've been less than thrilled with the way this cycle has played out.

I sometimes wish I had the naivete that I had the last cycle. I wish that I could believe the upbeat embryologist who said that a 7, 6, ect were "really good" for day three, but because I know better I have lost a lot of the hope I had for this cycle. It's not all gone-just diminished.

Today I got some good news which I can definitely use! Four of the six embryos that were left are still growing!!! We won't know if they can be frozen until tomorrow, but that they are still dividing is very good news for the stronger ones that are in my tummy!

Physically I feel so much better! I'm at the office today and although I'm tired (probably from all the lying around I've done!) I'm glad to be out of the house. A trip to the grocery store last night was disgustingly exciting!

I go for a progesterone test tomorrow, but I won't have the results until Wednesday.

More soon!


Sunday, November 9, 2008

Finally out of bed!

We did have a three day transfer on Friday.

We transferred:
1-7 cell grade 1
1-6 cell grade 1
1-5 cell grade 1

I am feeling physically better, but of course I had hoped that at least one embie might be eight cells.

Time will tell.


Thursday, November 6, 2008

What a Difference a Day Makes

The news is much better with the embies today!

Here's the scale: they should be 2-4 cells 1 best-5 worst

12 Fertilized
9 divided (3 stopped growing)
1-4 cell grade 1
1-3 cell grade 2
1-2 cell grade 1
5-2 cell grade 2
1-2 cell grade 4

He had a lot more details for me today-I just don't think he was prepared for me to know what to ask yesterday.

He said that originally there were 5 embies that had no vacuoles of the 12. (I didn't point out that 7 of 12 is not 75%, because I was feeling generous.) Anyway the funny thing is that one of the ones that didn't have vacuoles didn't divide and another is the worst. (2-cell grade 4) also one that had several yesterday is the 2 cell grade 1. So they can't always tell how they'll do by how they look.

The odds are looking much better for us today.

I feel a lot better today emotionally. I'm still in a good deal of pain. Maybe like a 6 out of 10. I stayed home today so I could have painkillers and to try and be as ready as possible for ET (transfer) tomorrow. They are still going to schedule me for a 3dt tomorrow, BUT if they look really awesome in the morning they may re-schedule me for Sat or Sun (5dt).

Thanks for all the support!


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

IVF #2 Fertilization Report-Not What We Hoped

Got the call a few minutes ago from the lab. It starts off very good.

15 mature
12 fertilized normally

The embryologist said we are planning for a 3 day transfer on Friday, but if they look really good we may push back to Sat or Sun. I responded that we were hoping for a 5 day transfer. His response was not good news. He said that the reason it was likely to be a 3 day transfer is that 75% of the embryos have vacuoles. The vacuoles mean that they will likely not develop normally. So that means that we are down to three (or so) decent embies already. He said it's possible that they will continue to develop but he won't know more until tomorrow.

Needless to say I'm really disappointed. I put my body thru hell for more eggs and ended up worse than I ever dreamed.

If anyone has any info on vacuoles they can share please do-I have no idea what I'm dealing with.

More embie info tomorrow.


More difficult than expected

The good news is that they got 18 eggs!!!! (and we got an AWESOME new President!)

The not so good news is that I'm in a lot of pain! ER was much more difficult this time with my ovaries being so engorged. Also, my left ovary was tucked behind my uterus making it difficult to reach. I went to acupuncture after the ER which helped a lot, but I am in MUCH more pain than I was last time. In fact, Dave didn't want me to go to work today because it's so bad. So I'm at home resting.

I am anxiously awaiting my fertilization report and will try to post once it comes in!


Monday, November 3, 2008

Swollen to the point of bursting

That's me...all blown up!

I feel pretty crappy--I think the hcg trigger shot did me in.

My complaints: (Yep, I'm making a list!)
1. My ovaries hurt.
2. I'm dead tired.
3. I can't get a deep breath.
4. I can't get comfortable.
5. I feel physically huge.
6. I have heartburn.
7. I itch all over.
8. My back hurts.
9. I wanna go home.

Other than that-I'm great!

I absolutely know that it will all be worth it for a BFP, but I feel miserable and I want to complain.

I am still excited and nervous, but much less enthusiastic because I don't feel good.

Sorry to be a bummer. Hopefully will post good news tomorrow!


Sunday, November 2, 2008

The Details

Good morning!

I got the call yesterday with my exact instructions, but was too busy to post. I am disgustingly hopeful, and I feel really good physically!

My pattern has been to be completely upbeat the first part of 'the wait' and for the bottom to drop out the second week. I am hoping to stay optimistic throughout, but we'll see.

Here are my instructions:

Last dose Lupron 5units-Sun 11/2 am dose

HCG 1ml-Sun 11/2-10:50pm exactly!

Home Pregnancy test-Mon 11/3-7:30am (to make sure shot was done correctly)

Minocin-Mon 11/3-4x's with meals

Nothing to eat or drink after midnight on 11/3

Xanax-Tues 11/4-8:50am exactly

Report to lab with sample-Tues 11/4-9:35am

Report to clinic-Tues 11/4-9:45am

Egg Retrieval-Tues 11/4-10:50am

Please pray for our success. We absolutely believe in the power of prayers and good wishes!