My E2 came back today at 46. The nurse said that's right where they want me to be. On to the good drugs!
Amy
Friday, October 24, 2008
Back in the saddle...or the stirrups as the case may be
A friend from the online infertility support group I rely on, shared the following quote with me the other day when I was feeling down.
"Courage is being scared to death, but getting in the saddle anyway." ~John Wayne
Well today was my first ultrasound and blood work for IVF #2 and I showed up, so I guess I am back in the game!
The b/w results won't be back until this afternoon, but my ovaries are very quiet and filled with too many small follies to count which is awesome! I expect the b/w to be completely normal considering the u/s, so it's looking like I'll get to start the stims in the am!!
I'll try to post this afternoon with the final go-ahead.
Amy
"Courage is being scared to death, but getting in the saddle anyway." ~John Wayne
Well today was my first ultrasound and blood work for IVF #2 and I showed up, so I guess I am back in the game!
The b/w results won't be back until this afternoon, but my ovaries are very quiet and filled with too many small follies to count which is awesome! I expect the b/w to be completely normal considering the u/s, so it's looking like I'll get to start the stims in the am!!
I'll try to post this afternoon with the final go-ahead.
Amy
Thursday, October 23, 2008
On the Upswing
I am feeling better today.
For me, telling my secrets always takes away some of their power. I still will have to deal with all of these feelings and emotions, but now that I've come clean about them it doesn't feel like it's consuming me!
We live 45min-1hr from the clinic, so to avoid the mad rush I have made some hotel reservations 2 miles away. I booked the whole week and will just cancel what we don't need.
My switch to Lupron in the morning has been smooth, and my nurse assures me that my error won't screw up the cycle. On Saturday morning I'll take 150iu of gonal-f and Saturday eve I'll take 225iu. That's 5 vials a day!!!! I'll be on it for 10-12 days. If you figure $60.00/a vial times 50 vials--donated meds have saved us $3000.00. We could NEVER have done another cycle this year without them.
So to all of you who have ever donated your leftover meds to your clinic--THANK YOU!
The current dose is a 66% increase from my last cycle. Last time my E2 was only around 1500--which is nowhere near OHSS. I had 10 follies retrieved, 9 mature, 6 fertilized, and 3 survived to day 3 for transfer. The three survivors were about a day behind in growth, but had grade A appearance. So our goal this time is to up the dose to try and get more eggs. I want to try for a 5 day transfer which my clinic only does if you have 10 or more mature follies. I also would like to have some to freeze, and I don't feel like upping the dose will endanger my health.
The other thing we're doing differently is Dave's sample collection. Over the course of years of treatment, Dave has been tested many times, and has always been above normal. He has always collected at home. For our IVF cycle we were instructed that he MUST collect at the lab. For the first and only time, his sample was of super low volume. That forced us into ICSI and I think also may have contributed to our embryo quality. He has been tested again since, with a sample from home and was again above normal. So this time we have been given permission to collect at home or at the hotel as the case may be.
My progesterone came back last time at just 15, and after that test, the RE instructed me to up it from .5 to 1cc for the second week, so I am going to ask tomorrow if I can just take 1cc from the start. Even if it doesn't help I think it will make me know that I'm doing everything I can.
Amy
For me, telling my secrets always takes away some of their power. I still will have to deal with all of these feelings and emotions, but now that I've come clean about them it doesn't feel like it's consuming me!
We live 45min-1hr from the clinic, so to avoid the mad rush I have made some hotel reservations 2 miles away. I booked the whole week and will just cancel what we don't need.
My switch to Lupron in the morning has been smooth, and my nurse assures me that my error won't screw up the cycle. On Saturday morning I'll take 150iu of gonal-f and Saturday eve I'll take 225iu. That's 5 vials a day!!!! I'll be on it for 10-12 days. If you figure $60.00/a vial times 50 vials--donated meds have saved us $3000.00. We could NEVER have done another cycle this year without them.
So to all of you who have ever donated your leftover meds to your clinic--THANK YOU!
The current dose is a 66% increase from my last cycle. Last time my E2 was only around 1500--which is nowhere near OHSS. I had 10 follies retrieved, 9 mature, 6 fertilized, and 3 survived to day 3 for transfer. The three survivors were about a day behind in growth, but had grade A appearance. So our goal this time is to up the dose to try and get more eggs. I want to try for a 5 day transfer which my clinic only does if you have 10 or more mature follies. I also would like to have some to freeze, and I don't feel like upping the dose will endanger my health.
The other thing we're doing differently is Dave's sample collection. Over the course of years of treatment, Dave has been tested many times, and has always been above normal. He has always collected at home. For our IVF cycle we were instructed that he MUST collect at the lab. For the first and only time, his sample was of super low volume. That forced us into ICSI and I think also may have contributed to our embryo quality. He has been tested again since, with a sample from home and was again above normal. So this time we have been given permission to collect at home or at the hotel as the case may be.
My progesterone came back last time at just 15, and after that test, the RE instructed me to up it from .5 to 1cc for the second week, so I am going to ask tomorrow if I can just take 1cc from the start. Even if it doesn't help I think it will make me know that I'm doing everything I can.
Amy
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Anxiety is building
I can start to feel myself getting kind-of keyed up. I have a general feeling of low-level anxiety and tension. I know that its due to my impending injections--the real start of my IVF cycle.
I think that over the course of the last few days I am starting to understand, or at least acknowledge that the reason I'm feeling all of these mixed emotions is that I have to once again face "what if it doesn't work?"
I guess that maybe I'm not feeling guilty about hope, no one would do this without it. I am starting to wonder where we will go from here if it doesn't work again.
You might think that we're old hats at this, but we rarely make solid plans about what we'll do if the current one doesn't work.
We talked hypothetically that we would do 3 rounds of IVF, but to be honest I NEVER thought we'd need more than one. I have made it clear to the Doc that this is our last shot--at least with him, but I don't really know if that's true. I have no idea how we would pay for another one (we have no coverage), if we should do another one, and who we should do it with if we need another one.
I am terrified to face the possibility that this won't work, and I know from experience that it might not.
I am terrified that the next round of decision making might be the one that I have to come to terms with not having biological children.
So that's it.
It isn't guilt.
It is pure FEAR.
And I am terrified to face it.
Amy
I think that over the course of the last few days I am starting to understand, or at least acknowledge that the reason I'm feeling all of these mixed emotions is that I have to once again face "what if it doesn't work?"
I guess that maybe I'm not feeling guilty about hope, no one would do this without it. I am starting to wonder where we will go from here if it doesn't work again.
You might think that we're old hats at this, but we rarely make solid plans about what we'll do if the current one doesn't work.
We talked hypothetically that we would do 3 rounds of IVF, but to be honest I NEVER thought we'd need more than one. I have made it clear to the Doc that this is our last shot--at least with him, but I don't really know if that's true. I have no idea how we would pay for another one (we have no coverage), if we should do another one, and who we should do it with if we need another one.
I am terrified to face the possibility that this won't work, and I know from experience that it might not.
I am terrified that the next round of decision making might be the one that I have to come to terms with not having biological children.
So that's it.
It isn't guilt.
It is pure FEAR.
And I am terrified to face it.
Amy
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
When Hope Hurts
It's typical for me that as the actual cycle approaches and the possibility exists that I MIGHT actually get pregnant, hope creeps in.
That hope is at best a double edged sword.
Of course I want it to work, and I think that it's possible that we will finally get our BFP, but there is a dark side of hope that makes me feel like an idiot for having any at all. We have been trying to start our family for more than five years, and here we are still trying, so to have any hope that this is THE cycle makes me feel guilty and stupid.
I also know that whether or not I believe it will work, if it doesn't I'll be devastated. So, in that respect I guess it doesn't matter whether or not I allow myself to hope.
I feel sort-of like a crazy person for all of these feelings about my feelings, but I'm not really sure what to do with all of them.
Amy
That hope is at best a double edged sword.
Of course I want it to work, and I think that it's possible that we will finally get our BFP, but there is a dark side of hope that makes me feel like an idiot for having any at all. We have been trying to start our family for more than five years, and here we are still trying, so to have any hope that this is THE cycle makes me feel guilty and stupid.
I also know that whether or not I believe it will work, if it doesn't I'll be devastated. So, in that respect I guess it doesn't matter whether or not I allow myself to hope.
I feel sort-of like a crazy person for all of these feelings about my feelings, but I'm not really sure what to do with all of them.
Amy
Monday, October 20, 2008
A little bummed
Well I figured out that I've been taking my Lupron wrong! The nurse said that the box says to take in am, but I must've missed it!!! I asked if that would screw us up and she said no. So I guess we wait and see!
Our party on Saturday was really great. We had lots of family and friends join us. We spent Sunday relaxing and re-grouping, and don't have much planned for this week.
I go for my suppression check on Friday morning and then I will start gonal-f on Saturday am and drop the Lupron to 5IU.
I'm feeling bummed about the mistake, but I think I'm starting to get tired from all of the events this month too.
Amy
Our party on Saturday was really great. We had lots of family and friends join us. We spent Sunday relaxing and re-grouping, and don't have much planned for this week.
I go for my suppression check on Friday morning and then I will start gonal-f on Saturday am and drop the Lupron to 5IU.
I'm feeling bummed about the mistake, but I think I'm starting to get tired from all of the events this month too.
Amy
Friday, October 17, 2008
Nothing much to report
I have intended to post almost everyday this time, so I have a record for myself about how I felt as I went thru the IVF process again, but I find that I don't have much to say. This is a very rare occurrence for me, as I usually have more to say than any one person should.
Mostly I don't feel that different.
My restless legs have definitely intensified. I never required medication for restless legs until the Lupron suppression phase of the last IVF. I had had incidences of it in the past, but few, and never frequently enough to require medication. Once it started though, it has persisted. I have had to remain on medication. Now even with the meds, my legs are going crazy. I finally called the doctor yesterday and I'm waiting to see whether to up the dose or try something new.
My mood has been up and down, but not extremely so. But then again, I'm probably not the person to ask about that!
I have had some mild acne, more than usual for me, but not so bad that it's gross.
My energy has been pretty good, but I have a lot of stuff that I HAVE to do this month, so not feeling like it doesn't really matter.
Our BIG fall party is tomorrow. I'm excited, but ready for all of the prep to be done!
Amy
Mostly I don't feel that different.
My restless legs have definitely intensified. I never required medication for restless legs until the Lupron suppression phase of the last IVF. I had had incidences of it in the past, but few, and never frequently enough to require medication. Once it started though, it has persisted. I have had to remain on medication. Now even with the meds, my legs are going crazy. I finally called the doctor yesterday and I'm waiting to see whether to up the dose or try something new.
My mood has been up and down, but not extremely so. But then again, I'm probably not the person to ask about that!
I have had some mild acne, more than usual for me, but not so bad that it's gross.
My energy has been pretty good, but I have a lot of stuff that I HAVE to do this month, so not feeling like it doesn't really matter.
Our BIG fall party is tomorrow. I'm excited, but ready for all of the prep to be done!
Amy
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