The sun has been shining here for several days and I feel like it is reaching my heart as well. Each day brings a brighter outlook. As much as I dreaded having to wait and save this time has given my heart some time to heal.
I am about three or four days away from the beginning of my cycle. I will take Clomid 150mg on cycle days 3-7 and I will also have ultrasound monitoring to confirm ovulation since that is one of the few things my insurance will pay for. I am also going to have a repeat HSG (dye test) to make sure my tubes and uterine cavity are clear of adhesions. I am trying to be cautiously optimistic. I have gotten pregnant on Clomid before (m/c), and it would be amazing if that happened and we didn't have to go through another IVF. Also, while each negative hurts my heart, the Clomid cycles aren't nearly as bad as the IUI and IVF. They don't put the financial strain on us and that relieves some of the emotional burden.
This past Saturday was my cousin's baby shower. Thank God it came this far after our negative--I felt ready to handle it. It was difficult at times, but my family are my biggest supporters and advocates, and while they don't always understand they always try. Despite the difficulty I really did have a good time. My cousin will me a terrific Momma and while she did not experience infertility her life has not been free from heartache. She lost her Dad really young. The closer she comes to delivery time the more acceptance and peace I have.
I am really looking forward to this little girl, after all I am doing all of this for the joy of a baby--I might as well take as much joy as possible from this new little one!
Amy
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